Words. I have always loved words. To this day I write with a thesaurus open next to me – never to make myself sound clever or more interesting, but simply to find that perfect word that can often be the crux of the sentence. I love the ideas conveyed, the emotions evoked by great words. A single word can be poetry.
This has been a season of words for me.
Intuition. Courage. Empathy. Connection. Solitude. Expansion.
The vast ideas that these words contain have challenged, and excited, and deeply changed me. I have read ravenously this season, too many books to mention here – but more than that it was a time of devouring ANY written material I could lay my eyes on. Fiction, non-fiction, textbooks, long-form articles on the internet, blog posts, social media updates. I even ventured into audiobooks and podcasts. Reflecting here tonight on just how much I have read, learned, is a true mindfuck. Some did not resonate at first glance, or even first read, but are slowly sinking seeping into my very being.
This reading has not been frivolous, rather it has been an intentional engagement in grand ideas and narratives that have challenged my very core: who am I?
It has meant, though, that I have written – and thus blogged – less than I had anticipated, but as Amanda Palmer recently shared: some seasons are for inhaling (reading, learning, travelling, absorbing), and some for exhaling (working, creating, releasing). I had anticipated an exhale season (I am completing my PhD after all, which needs to be an exhale season), and instead was blindsided by a time of deep, deep inhalation. I, and my work, am better for it. This I wholeheartedly know.
Trust in the timing of your life.
I was less than kind to myself at times about this inhalation, trying to force an exhale when all the ideas were not there yet…and ended up holding my breath instead. That is a dangerous place to be. I have come to learn that sometimes ideas need time to develop, to meld, to emerge. I can also feel the tide turning, in that the exhalation will come when the time is right…and it will be more meaningful, more satisfactory, and more than I could ever have imagined.
This has been a season in which I somehow found space, and ultimately held space, for more words and ideas and concepts than I ever knew I had the capacity for. I am absorbing like blotting paper…and will be eternally grateful.
I don’t feel that I would ever be able to adequately do justice to the vast brilliance of these concepts, or what they have meant to me. Also, there are SO many more I would love to add. I will, however, leave just these few here as a testament to enough. More than any other, the word that has defined this inhale for me, and which I will carry through to this exhale is ENOUGH.
The opposite of never enough is, simply, enough ~ Brene Brown
You are enough, gorgeous humans. Please please please do me a favour and be expansive this season. I trust you. Whether it be an inhale or an exhale. Don’t hold your breath. Don’t make yourselves so small. I know how much of a challenge it can be in this world, but please don’t live in passive acquiescence. Please do not shrink yourselves. You can never be too much. Be intense, this world needs more of it. You are VAST and BRILLIANT: be that. You are the universe in ECSTATIC MOTION. Go there. Feel. Be. Own. Stand up. Speak out. Be kind to yourself. Let yourself be seen. See yourself.
I love you. I see you. You are enough.
Maktub: It is written…